What do you do when your back is against the wall and it looks as if it’s over?
A few weeks ago, it seemed the enemy was coming at me with all guns blazing. I felt as though I was having my Jesus in the wilderness moment. I was just coming off a 42 day fast, while the fast was good for my spirit, I felt physically and emotionally drained because all the things that were on my plate.
The enemy often attacks when you’re spiritually, emotionally, or physically weak.
I can’t begin to list the attacks that came my way. But I remember the last attack that had me laid out in the spirit trying to determine if I was going to stand back up. How many of you know the devil will use those closest to you to attack you? Just like the devil tried to use Peter to have Jesus abort his mission to die for our sins (Matthew 16:23).
How many of you also know the enemy is the accuser of the brethren? That slick devil will have someone close to you question your integrity, your motives, your actions, or just flat-out try to lay some guilt in your heart. Well that’s exactly what happened. And while I was able to explain my God-given assignment and the testimony involved, the spirit of … I don’t even know what to name it. All I know is I was a crying-overwhelmed-sad mess. I was hurt that someone so close to me would think I didn’t care about their feelings. When I stay up at night praying for them and feel pain for the situation that had effected us all.
Weeping May Endure for a Night…
The next day still I had sorrow in my heart. I tried to push through my day. I prayed, listened to my gospel music, I did everything I knew to do. I got home that day and continued to wash myself in worship music. I found myself knelt on the living room floor sobbing, asking God to take this pain from my hearts for to give me understanding. To add a little context, a member of my family betrayed my immediate family unit. God sent me on a journey of forgiveness towards that person. But there is still pain, so my tears of sorrow were related to the emotionally and spiritually battled I had to fight to forgive them and to stay in a place a forgiveness and love. It’s not easy.
At This Point I was Ready to Just throw in the Towel
Tuesday morning, I woke up prayed some more. But honestly, I was ready to just give up. I told y’all this Christian walk is hard. I was tired of turning the other cheek, tired of bringing the peace, displaying the fruits of the spirit, and tired of fighting demons and casting down strongholds with no one noticing or appreciating what I endure.
Two are better than one
The only thing I knew to do next was call my prayer partner. I was heading to bible study, I called her tears and all. I’m not sure how the conversation started but I’m sure it started with, “Can you believe so and so said……?” Venting my emotions and frustrations she reminded me my fight was not against flesh and blood. She talked me through what I was feeling and empathized with my needs.
As I stepped into bible study, God showed me he heard not only my prayers but the prayers of my good friend, because there in service was a rhema word waiting for me. I cried the whole way through the teaching. After service, one of the seasoned saints ???? came and told me, “this is the season where your integrity will be questioned but we can’t expect man to validate what God said only God can do that.
When I tell you I was ready to run laps around the church in praise! I said, “Lord I just wrote that on my blog.” (see Trust What God Said)
I left service refreshed and ready to push forward in my journey with Christ.
If we slow down, listen, and relax we may see that God has already given us the word we need.
In closing, I want to leave you with a few tips to help you with the good fight.
How to keep fighting:
- Get a prayer/accountability partner. This is critical to your journey with Christ. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
- Express your frustrations to Christ. He cares about our burdens and wants to build our trust in Him. (Psalms 42:9-11)
- Be connected to the larger fellowship of church. The easiest way for a wolf to get a sheep is when they stray off alone. Plus it’s a great place to get refueled. (Hebrews 10:25)
- Last but definitely not least, learn how to effectively use your Spiritual Armor. Every tool, when working together, will help you fight off the schemes of the enemy. (Ephesians 6:10-18)
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 NKJV
I hope this helped someone to know you are not alone. We all have moments when we feel like this Christian walk is too much. We feel like we’ve sacrificed more than we gained and we want to just say forget it and go back to living like the world. But when we truly reflect on the goodness of God and where he brought us from, we know quitting isn’t an option.
Talk to me, let me know if this message helped you by dropping a comment below.