Ciara and Russell Wilson waited, Meagan Goode and Devon wrote a book about it, but is anyone else that’s not famous waiting? Yes, I am in a relationship and waiting.

the Journey to Celibacy

I wish I can say I’ve been waiting forever but that wouldn’t be true. I first made the decision to be celibate in June 2013. Fresh out of a bad relationship, I decided I wanted to value myself in a new way. So I went 7 strong months, then I fell off the wagon. After that pseudo-relationship, dating a guy that wasn’t emotionally available, I said enough.

During the course of my “pseudo-relationship”, God was showing me in real ways that He wanted me to commit to the wait. In May 2014, God sent me to China on a study aboard trip for school. My trip roommate and I started talking about relationships; she shared how she practiced celibacy prior to getting married. She raved about how rewarding it was for her relationship and shared how celibacy in a relationships looked practically. Of course everyone says you should wait until marriage, but nobody tells you what to do with the raging hormones.

God Speaks in Mysterious Ways

Further in February 2015, my neighbors, who attend The Ark of Salvation (Atlanta), invited me to go with them to a fountain. Yes, a fountain. The pastor was encouraging the members to go by his company on Valentine’s Day to visit at fountain he installed. The fountain is a statue of an eagle and it plays scriptures all day. The pastor had told stories of people that went to the fountain and experienced life changing events/blessings. That Valentine’s Day morning as I was standing at the fountain, I was hearing all these scriptures, but nothing connected with me. I had to go volunteer, so I committed to come back once I finished.

Well on that second visit for what seemed like forever the fountain was playing Corinthians mentioning sexually immortality over and over. God convicted my whole spirit, I felt at that moment that I wasn’t operating in His best according to His scripture and instruction. I can say I honestly felt bad for the choices I was making. At that point I said.  “okay God I hear you!” I made a real commitment that day to follow what God was telling me to do. Keep my legs closed and wait.

I can see Clearly NOw

In June 2015, I moved to Washington, DC. At that point I reconnected with an old high school friend, my now boyfriend who has accepted this journey of celibacy with me.  The journey has allowed us to connect and know each other on a deeper level.  In the past, I would have sex with a guy, think he was the greatest, and that we were all in love. As some of you know good sex will make you think you’re in love.

Well doing it the right way, you know your emotions are genuine and not based on how that person makes you feel sexually.  I know my mate wants me for who I am and not what I can provide him in the bedroom.  The sense of security that comes with knowing that your mate loves your personality, your flaws, your sense of humor, your mind, and companionship is breathtaking. The affection he shows is out of pure love and not to warm me up for something else.  He also agrees the level of intimacy that we share is deeper than any other relationship in the past. We both have to be vulnerable in our discussions and share more of ourselves emotionally to build the wonderful foundation that we have today.

The Truth

Every man won’t accept the journey to wait, plain and simply put, that man is not for you. The one God has for you will wait for you. He will respect you.  He will bring you peace and clarity.  I encourage you who are waiting to keep waiting. Do not let anyone make you think you are not worth it, because you are.  And those who haven’t tried celibacy ask God to help you walk in a new way, it’s never too late to start.

Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

~ 1 Corinthians  6:18

Has the recent discussions around celibacy sparked your interest to wait? What concerns are holding you back? Has your time of celibacy produced clarity in dating for you?  Share your thoughts and journey in the comments below.